i sit here in the living room on a drizzly october night simultaneously typing this and watching joan of arc, feet twitching aimlessly about in anticipation of milla jovovich's burning at the stake. i am restless, chewing upon salted peas which my father brought back from raffles hotel, i don't understand why people even like salted peas, i don't understand why i'm even eating them, they give me gas. having two brothers equals no instant food left in the house. my parents aren't even the stingy sort when it comes to food, it's just that my brothers are too good at scavenging all the instant soup and instant noodles and potato chips.. in other words, junk that i'd so love to be able to eat at this time of the night, especially with 3 essays weighing heavily upon my back.

just came back from the theatre studies dept's production twilightofthegolds, at fort canning's black box. my dad asked me how the play went, and i replied "oh, it's about the same old issues", and you know what, it is! perhaps it's too difficult to attempt the fantastic in plays. hmm. there's a thought. anyway. it was about abortion and homosexuality, coupled with the rapid advancement in genome technology. what would you do if you discovered that your unborn child would be a homosexual, but in all other things remain perfect and even, perhaps, be superbly sensitive and intelligent? (hmm sounds like quite a few gays out there ;P) would you abort the child? (aside: maann... john malkovich seems to be REALLY good at playing the twisted bad guy) seriously though, i don't know. i happen to think i hold quite a liberal stance on homosexuality, but it may be a different situation should the person in question be an immediate family member. still. i don't think i'd abort, unless the child is going to suffer from both mental and physical defects, or a debilitating disease.

my thoughts of late have been getting increasingly scattered. i have deemed myself the lowest of all my french classmates, i'll be lucky to even scrape a D. i smell french fries in my enclosed cave of a room, where the last food-like substance to ever enter for the past few days has only been cups of water. my right hip aches as if it's been dislocated and the joint is trying to get back into its sore socket. last night i dreamt of envelopes. everyone got a big one each. i dreamt of jumping from shifting coloured box to coloured box as if in a computer game, dodging hurtling trolleys presumably carrying more mail. i love my agility in dreams. and i don't dream in black and white, either. the thing is, i dreamt i got the envelope from PSU.. so clear my dream was, that i held multicoloured A4 sheets of paper and i remember one page had columns of things to sign for, and that the leftmost column was already signed by the authorities from over there. and when i woke up, my first thought was to call norman and tell him that i'd already received my package and did he get his too? until i realised that it was all but a dream. perhaps this comes from constantly sleeping at 5am.

i am doing this in denial of the essays that i am supposed to write. back to blasted microsoft word i go!