21 years old. realization dusking upon the dune of responsibility.

time to reflect... upon the dizzyling dazzier glow lights of traffic streaks
rushing past blood pounds sound hounds thump whorl
back home, heat heartland, fireworks light up the sky
on my birthday and yours the nation
sprinkle gold dust upon hazy dreams of leaving and returning
not knowing coming or going

sometimes it just takes awhile
to get rid of the empty, emptying feeling that now
everyone has their own lives to lead
no longer entwined closely with mine own
we live on different ends of this tiny constructed planet, we do
and even an eleven hour bus ride seems an eternity away.

sometimes it just takes awhile
to shake off feeling lonesome in a land where every few beats
you meet
someone you know and you share a hug
and you try to catch up, quickly on the other's life
within the span of the time it takes for the relentless crowd to sweep you away.

i want to return to the land of snowflake whirls
but godfather Real.Lee takes godmother Serious.Lee
in hand
and tells me
tapping wand against my thick nog
that i was blessed enough for this year
and its sparkling fizzy adventures
soaked in amber champagne tinted swirls
preserved as sepia toned memories within the metal
ikean file cupboards i've mentally bought

no more snowboarding through blizzardy snowmachines
no more ordering chinese take out for chow down on dusty rug
no more walking my flipflops flat, eyes upturned toward towering skyscapes
no more talking into the wee hours of the morninged night
no more film marathons nor cooking spiels nor running around with dogs
no more reading for fun, no more introspection, no more self-centredness
no more nebulous perhap-ses
no more freefall.

i've celebrated the transition with you and you and you
we've had fun together and i appreciate my day cast in your memory
an sms, an email, a card and a self constructed door hanger
to tell people to come into the winter of my discontent
you guys all know me so well, you know how to make me bawl tears
and aggravate the already redred nose.

my throat is dry all moisture sapped to orbs
my mind feels blank, emptied for lecturers to absorb
my heart half-full, for direction i know i lack
my year twenty, on it i turn my back

it was a great year, darlings, thanks for sharing it with me.