"perceiving life as a perpetual film."

well it's been a long time since i last wrote. right now i'm sitting at the dining table eating my second supper (yeah hannah's fat but she's gotta deal with it... incidentally my dad called my bro flabby and flobby today haha but daniel isn't really) .. watching the crow:salvation on channel 5. looks sorta like sincitynoircomic-like, but heck, this is rather interesting. i'm not hungry, but my parents brought leftovers home and i can't bear wasting food. argh. had pepper lunch for dinner. now there's something funny in the wordplay for ya.

saw an accident on the road just on the way from gilman heights up to my place. two women standing on the grassy divider, looking glassy-eyed, stunned, facing away from each other. policemen measuring, measuring. a black oily spread splatter all over the tarmac. sigh. and one wonders why i don't quite like getting behind the wheel, with so many thoughts, plotlines, theories, poems and words swirling themselves in my jumbled head, how do i concentrate on the road?

we get emptied, just a bit, day after day.
and there's already an obvious lack of passion in this grey-eyed gloomed world.

maybe that's why i like to take photographs, we freeze time there, portable remembrance.

what's there to say? these past few weeks have been terrible, i'm doing more time in my self-prison, the central library, voluntary incarceration and somehow any time spent not doing work is accompanied by this niggling pressure at the back of my consciousness. a black imp, so to speak, that holds up white signboards like tiny post-its saying "american lit essay!", "leading asian american lit discussion on monday" and "finish middlemarch by tonight"... very miserable, this feeling is, and it's occasionally worsened by reminders of a past life from people back (nearly said home) in penn state. don't get me wrong, i love to hear from you guys. it's probably the only thing that's keeping me sane, knowing that i'd actually managed to enjoy life for a short while. :) anyhoo. daniel my brother's living the shiokadoo life now, having holidays and sleeping late till 2pm each day... oh boy, live it up while you can, man, sleeping is SUCH a luxury now!

i'm going to air ONE major gripe at the moment - i HATE that people write in library books, scribble, highlight, pen or pencil, i DON'T CARE. library books are public property, they are not YOURS, for f --'s sake, ^%$^&$#$**(@#$@!@... every week i do research and i can barely read words clearly, and i'm angry, i have SO MUCH WORK to DO, and some idiot of a person makes my life that much tougher. who the *bleep bleep* do these people think they are? arrrgh. if any of you sort read this, be very very afraid, i curse you as my eyes rip through your bad handwriting, your mispelling, your circlings, your crap. if you want to MUTILATE the book, understand this - that's what the photocopy machines are for, stupids. must someone guide you through each step? your mothers must not have taught you right. grrrrrr.

breathe* -

hmm. in the meantime, i'm just writing essays, speedreading, getting occasional entertainment online in the shapes of this and that, working at the cultural centre, getting fat(ter) from constant fastfooding at mac's due to my marketing presentation project, swimming, taekwondo, stuff. life's just being sucked out of me (and everyone else in the university at the moment from second year up, freshmen not included), and all i have to look forward to is, what? the upcoming halloween party , the french film festival and the all night comedy marathon, going to hongkong at the end of the year (14-21 december, bring the shopping on), friends coming back home after their exchange programmes and whatnot, all the leisure novels i've been given to read but kept back in my cupboard for lack of time. dream holiday: sun, sand, sea, no pms, no worries, noone talking down to me condescendingly, strawberry daiquiri and all the lovely books i could ever want to read. yums.

okay. sorry for the warped entry. getting drawn into gory film at the moment. i should just sit back and enjoy my friday night like normal people do. ;) till the next faraway time -