"perceiving life as a perpetual film."

because i try to follow the subversive way of doing things i am sick AFTER my exams have ended and therefore cannot party immediately, so i'm here in my room sipping herbal tea from the bottle and doing some 'housecleaning' - which mainly consists of me deleting the old 'read books' list from the righthand column of my blog and replacing it with the fun one, the one which has books i've longingly looked at but kept away from my table because of schoolwork. yup, so i'm ready to return all the books i've borrowed this semester, thanks to lynn for the marketing textbook (the exam was of the 'study or don't study also cannot make it' kind) and to karen for the asian american books - joyluckclub and woman warrior. truly, only lit majors unwind from lit exams by reading more books. c'est bizarre, non?

i realise my blog entries have been rather depressing of late, and i apologize but there's really no other way for me to vent frustration, there being no significant other and me being extremely caged at home... no sparkling streets of snow to traverse in cosy trenchcoat, no quaint town with a 24-hour cafe i can walk to within the hour. i'm just a bit freedom-sick is all. no more my own person so to speak, when you're in this country it literally owns you, and you live a sort of half-life. that's my personal opinion in any case. if you think you have enough freedom here, then i say, good for you, i'm envious of you but i still think i need to get out.

so yes, everyone's going to be OUT this holiday, the travel bug's bit us all. kimmy and gang are leaving for the states and for japan, gaily's going to japan, the queks are off to thailand and australia i think, uncle william and aunty cheryl are migrating to brisbane if i'm not wrong, and my mother and i are going to hongkong for a short holiday. sigh. i wish i was leaving for longer. but oh well. next year, so many people are leaving for exchange, how will i be able to stand it, i wonder. lynn's going to mannheim, germany, kailin's going to canada, abel's going to denmark, john's going to america, cas is going to france, weiguang's going to philly (argh, so near penn state!) - it's no wonder i have a premonition next semester's going to be hard to endure. there's no counting the times when i'll be thinking "at this time last year i was ...." etc, etc.

okay - plunging into depressing depths again. i need to be more cheerful, despite this heck of a sick feeling i have right now. there's much to look forward to i guess :) going to redo my entire room and make it more of my own, so i don't treat home like a hotel anymore. it seems as if when you keep a place empty of your personal effects, like pictures and paintings and posters and stuff, you're more inclined to just pack up the movable things and go away, you know? so i'm going to try to anchor myself by repainting and putting up posters and artwork... buy me a poster for christmas if you think it's a nice one. now THERE's an idea.